MusicalsPage

Plot summary

The job market is really tight, so Glenn, a young university graduate, disguises himself as a middle-aged woman to get a supervisory job in the perfume department of Bloomberg's, one of an international chain of ritzy department stores. There he finds himself working closely with Heather, a lovely, bright and ambitious new hire, and quickly becomes very attracted to her. Should he reveal his true identity and declare his love -- but in doing so, risk losing the all-important job? When a multi-millionaire perfume manufacturer from Rome begins showering Heather with attention (and expensive gifts), Glenn's dilemma becomes even more agonizing. And Mrs Arlington, the store manager, is starting to get suspicious....

Set

Most scenes require one set -- the perfume department of a large department store -- with a few other short scenes that can be performed in front of the curtain.

Characters

The cast includes Glenn, Heather, Barbara and Francine (longtime perfume sales personnel), Mrs Arlington, the millionaire Prince Mario D'Onorio, and Mr. McCleary, a security guard who serves as a narrator/chorus. In supporting parts are the millionaire's mousy secretary Marie, Mr. Bloomberg who is the President and CEO of the Bloomberg chain of stores, and a number of employees and shoppers.

Songs:

The Temple of Earthly Salvation and Stuff

The Corporate Song

My Very First Job

The Tough Customers

Yes, Mrs. Arlington

Isn't That the Way You Get On?

The Real You

Sell, Sell, Sell

Let Me Take You Away

Nothing But Love

Act I, Scene 1

Early morning in Bloomberg’s Department Store. When the lights
go up half-way, we see in the dim light a counter for ladies’ perfume
and a small table used for special displays. MR. MCLEARY,
the store’s security person, enters from S.R. He crosses to C.S. as a
spotlight comes up on him. He sings “The Temple of Earthly Salvation
and Stuff.”

THE TEMPLE OF EARTHLY SALVATION AND STUFF

1. It’s early morning at Bloomberg’s;
The store lies hushed and still.
It’s just like a church when there’s nobody there
Before all the aisles fill.

2. I call it the Temple of Earthly Salvation and Stuff
For this is where people meet
In search of those objects of human creation
To make their lives truly complete.

Chorus:

The Temple of Earthly Salvation and Stuff
It beckons to you and to me;
If the life that you lead’s not exciting enough,
If you long to be happy and free.

You can wander the aisles and imagine what if
You possessed all the things that you see.
In the Temple of Earthly Salvation and Stuff,
You can be, for an hour, what you’re longing to be.

3. There’s an oil that will help you look younger;
And less like a middle-aged wife;
A jacket that makes you a big movie star;
A perfume that changes your life.

4. A dining room set like an English lord’s,
A bedroom that’s fit for a queen;
When you sit in this chair, you’re Napoleon;
When you’re wearing these pearls, Josephine.

Chorus:

The Temple of Earthly Salvation and Stuff
It beckons to you and to me;
If the life that you lead’s not exciting enough,
If you long to be happy and free.
You can wander the aisles and imagine what if
You possessed all the things that you see.
In the Temple of Earthly Salvation and Stuff,
You can be, for an hour, what you’re longing to be.

As MR. MCLEARY moves to DSR, the spotlight goes off and full
stage lights come up. Two female members of the Bloomberg’s
staff – FRANCINE and BARBARA – are among them. They go
talk excitedly as they go to the perfume counter and prepare for
another day of sales.

FRANCINE
Good morning, Mr. McLeary.

BARBARA
Good morning, Mr. McLeary.

MR. MCLEARY
Good morning, Francine. Barbara. How was your weekend? I remember
you saying you and your husbands were spending it at a ski
resort.

FRANCINE
It was fabulous!

BARBARA
This weekend was the best I ever… (She suddenly sees MS. ROWLAND,
who is actually GLENN dressed as a woman, entering S.L.)
Oh, good morning, Ms Rowland!

FRANCINE
Good morning, Ms. Rowland!

MS ROWLAND (GLENN)
(crossing to S.R. )
Good morning, ladies. Good morning, Mr. McLeary. Looks like it
it’s going to be a busy day, so let’s get to work. (She exits S.R.)

BARBARA and FRANCINE busy themselves setting out the day’s
display for a perfume named “Calypso”. MR. MCLEARY exits S.L.

BARBARA
Fred and I didn’t see you in the resort’s dining room at all, and we
had to leave before you and Harry came down yesterday, so I didn’t
get a chance to ask how you enjoyed the skiing.

FRANCINE
I was going to ask you. (The two women look at each other guardedly.)
You did ski, didn’t you?

BARBARA
(with a giggle)
Well… not really. Fred and I took the opportunity of being away
from the family to… well, we stayed in our room most of the time,
and only came down for meals.

FRANCINE
Really!! (after a pause, she adds with her own giggle) Well, to tell
you the truth, so did Harry and I. And we got room service.

BARBARA
No kidding! Looks like we both got a certain kind of physical exercise…

MR. MCLEARY returns S.L. and hears the last bit of this conversation.

MR. MCLEARY
Well, there’s nothing like it to keep you fit and healthy. But I must
say I don’t see much point in that particular kind of exercise.

BARBARA
Oh?

MR. MCLEARY
Well, it’s just the same thing, over and over. Up you go, down you
go. What’s the sense of that?

FRANCINE
Mr. McLeary, you are talking about skiing, right?

MR. MCLEARY
What else would I be talking about? (He exits S.R.)

BARBARA
Come on, Francine. Let’s get this display set up.

FRANCINE
It’s no wonder these perfumes cost so much. The money they spend
on fancy promotions…

BARBARA
You remember that awful display for “Hidden Fires”? Little volcanoes
all over the place?

FRANCINE
I thought they were cute.

BARBARA
You didn’t have one of them erupt all over your shoes!

FRANCINE
The worst one had to be the promotion for that men’s aftershave
called “Male Animal”.

BARBARA
Oooh, you told me about that! You said they had a pet store deliver a
dozen exotic animals. A baby cheetah, some lizards, and a whole
bunch of monkeys.

FRANCINE
That’s right.

BARBARA
And that’s how they decorated the department?

FRANCINE
The monkeys did most of the decorating. Nobody had bothered to
house train them.

BARBARA
Uggghh!!! Whose bright idea was that?

FRANCINE
Who do you think? Mrs. Arling…. (She sees MRS. ARLINGTON
entering S.R.) Mrs. Arlington! Good morning!

BARBARA
Oh… good morning, Mrs. Arlington!

MRS. ARLINGTON
Good morning, ladies. I see you have the display all set up. (inspects
the display) Except I think this should go over here (she
moves a bottle) and this should go here (she moves another bottle).
Yes, that’s much more eye-catching.

BARBARA
Francine was just telling me about the famous “Male Animal” promotion.
The one with all the monkeys…

MRS. ARLINGTON
Oh yes, the monkeys. Well, I do recall some of our customers saying
the display was presented in a most original manner….

FRANCINE
(almost to herself)
Or perhaps they said “original manure.”

MRS. ARLINGTON
I beg your pardon, Francine?

FRANCINE
Oh, nothing, Mrs. Arlington. I was just thinking that I’ll never forget
the smell…

MRS. ARLINGTON
Yes, it was a rather distinctive aftershave, as I recall. (looks over the
display) Well, I think everything looks ready…. Wait! What about
your hats???

BARBARA and FRANCINE exchange glances, then reach down
and pick up floppy Caribbean straw hats which they reluctantly put
on.

MRS. ARLINGTON
Now that’s much better! Just the right touch of the sunny Caribbean.

BARBARA
Don’t you think we look just a bit silly?

MRS. ARLINGTON
How you look is beside the point. It’s loyalty to Bloomberg’s that is
all-important, and as members of the great Bloomberg’s family, we
have to put aside our own petty feelings in order to better serve the
company… and of course its customers. That’s the Bloomberg’s
way!